Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize