I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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