If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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