I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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