I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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