I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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