He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
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Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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