ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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