i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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