peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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