All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize