the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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