He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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