I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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