i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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