I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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