Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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