so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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