Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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