He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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