Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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