Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize