you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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