I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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