i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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