So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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