I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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