im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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