I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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