That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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