He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize