Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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