We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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