i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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