are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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