last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize