I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize