Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize