peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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