tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize