I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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