I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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