Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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