I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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