i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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