I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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