You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize