if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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