Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize