you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize